BDSM – 25 Burning Facts About Hot Play, Part 3

Remember the first and second parts of our trilogy? Here’s the final, third part.

17. You’ll probably talk more than during “vanilla” sex

Whenever anyone wonders about consent in BDSM, they should know: couples talk a lot before, during, and after a scene. A big chunk happens beforehand - what we want to do, what we will do, and our fantasies. Negotiation is part of a healthy BDSM relationship.

18. There’s a pre-negotiation phase too

Think of it as foreplay before the scene. It’s a way to talk about the experience before it happens, building emotional stability and safety. It can include scripts or task lists, or a less formal chat about expectations, wants and limits - words and actions that are allowed and those that aren’t.

19. Then comes aftercare

Because BDSM can be intense and emotional, most experts highly recommend a closing step where partners discuss the scene and their reactions. People can feel vulnerable after a scene; skipping aftercare can feel rough. It also strengthens your bond.

20. You can have one or multiple partners

Not everyone into BDSM has multiple sexual partners. A popular misconception is that they can’t have long, stable relationships. Not true - many are in long-term relationships and prefer to play only with their partner.

21. There are many types of whips

If you’re into whips, know this isn’t a one-size-fits-all fetish. There are gentle whips, leather whips, single-tail and multi-tail, wide and narrow, etc. Each type feels different and some are very harsh - learn proper use. A good way to train is aiming at a pillow or a small distant object, like a light switch.

22. Places you definitely don’t want to whip

The obvious ones: eyes and the kidney area. The skin is thin and vital organs lie underneath - don’t risk injury.

23. If you feel you should tell your partner - tell them

There are countless stories of people afraid to tell their partner what they want, only to discover they share the same fantasy. If you’re nervous, ask if they’d be open to reading a book or watching a video on the topic. Or talk about it in the context of sexual fantasies and ask if they’ve tried anything like BDSM or would like to. Worst case, it’s an awkward conversation; best case, you get what you truly want.

24. There are therapists and doctors who will understand

While still a taboo in some places, there are professionals who understand your lifestyle. If you worry your gynecologist or doctor won’t, find one who does and won’t judge you.

25. It’s quite different from what most expect

Thanks to stereotypes, porn and Fifty Shades, there are many misconceptions. Beyond workshops or learning from an experienced pro, the best way to learn is research. Same as with vanilla sex: if you want to be good, learn well.