BDSM - 25 Hot Facts About Naughty Games, Part 1

A lot has already been written about the book Fifty Shades of Grey and about how some facts about BDSM are presented slightly differently, if not completely incorrectly, compared to what it really is and how it is practiced. Anyone who became interested in the world of BDSM after reading the book quickly noticed quite a few differences.

Since our BDSM corner is also full of different accessories, we decided to write a few guidelines that are good to know.

Do not miss the second and third parts of the article.

1. What does BDSM actually mean?

The word BDSM is an abbreviation of the English terms bondage and discipline(B&D), dominance and submission(D&S), and sadism and masochism (S&M). All these terms are combined into the abbreviation BDSM, but it can mean something different to everyone. Most people actually belong to or are interested in only one or two categories, not all of them.

2. It does not necessarily involve sex

Most people think that BDSM is always closely connected to sex, which of course it can be for some people, but others strictly separate sexual intercourse from BDSM.

Both activities involve a very intense and sensual physical experience that can trigger many emotional reactions, but they are not the same thing. For example, a massage may, in a certain situation, be just a massage for someone - a way to relax or treat problems. At another time, a massage can be erotic foreplay that leads to sexual intercourse. It is similar with BDSM; it is a personal decision whether a person perceives it as sexuality or not.

3. There is nothing wrong with people who practice BDSM

One of the most widely accepted “facts” about BDSM is that people who practice it are somehow damaged. This is of course not true and is a complete misconception. BDSM is not something that develops because of some past abuse or domestic violence. At the same time, participating in BDSM does not mean that a person enjoys abuse or abusing others.

It is about a person enjoying sexuality and a lifestyle. It is practiced by completely normal, everyday people, such as neighbors, shop assistants, teachers, and so on. The biggest myth surrounding this is that some special (bad) events must have happened in your life for a desire for this kind of activity to awaken in you. The truth is that these are normal people who simply want this type of release.

4. You have the right to say no at any time

Many people who are just getting to know BDSM or have not even started yet believe that it is all or nothing. If, for example, at some point and under certain conditions it suited you to be submissive to another person, that consequently means you must agree to all forms of submission and masochism, even ones that may not interest you.

Of course, this is a mistaken belief, because everyone has the right to choose which activities interest them and which do not. This can also depend on the partner, the day, the mood, or the situation. It is important to remember that BDSM activities require consent, and everyone can consent to one activity but not another.

5. Those who practice BDSM are just as stable as everyone else

Practice shows that those who were not victims of abuse in the past, and are therefore in a more stable state, decide to try BDSM much more easily. Research confirms that people who participated in BDSM activities were, on average, no more often victims of sexual violence and were no more unhappy or dissatisfied with life than those who did not practice BDSM. In fact, men who participated in BDSM activities had less psychological distress than others.

In any case, those who are attracted to these kinds of activities never judge those who are not.

6. In the BDSM community, Fifty Shades of Grey is considered shameful

If you ever find yourself among people who seriously practice BDSM, it is better not to mention shades - of any kind. Although we can all be grateful that the book sparked considerable interest among the wider public in these kinds of activities and thus somewhat reduced the stigma around the topic, it also portrayed quite unrealistic scenes and an insulting and unhealthy relationship between the partners.

The bottom line is that the book is not exactly an accurate representation of the BDSM community and activities.

7. It is not always and everywhere just handcuffs and whips

Of course, those who are interested in sadomasochistic activities will have these kinds of accessories in their collection, but the same does not apply to everyone! Some people also enjoy so-called sensual dominance, where some accessories may be present, but without pain. Sensual dominance is more about one partner agreeing to everything the other commands. So activities do not have to follow any pattern, and there is no written rule for what a BDSM relationship should look like and how it should work.

8. BDSM acts are called a session

As we have already said, since it does not always necessarily involve sexual intercourse, in these cases you cannot really say that you had sex, hooked up, and so on. This is called a session.

The word session comes from a time when sadomasochistic activities were performed with professionals or when you simply watched a show in a BDSM club. Nowadays, people are in more conventional relationships, such as married couples, but they still call it a session.

That is all for today. If you are interested in even more facts about BDSM, sign up for the newsletter and do not miss the next post!

UPDATE 24/01/2017: The next in the series of posts BDSM - 25 hot facts about hot games, Part 2