BDSM - 25 Burning Facts About Hot Play, Part 2

Remember the first 8 BDSM facts? If not - or you need a refresher - give them another read. Now let’s continue with the next eight.

Don’t miss the third part of our BDSM facts.

9. There are doms and subs

You’ve likely heard of dominant and submissive roles. Dominants like to be in control; submissives enjoy following orders. People also use “top” and “bottom.” A top can be a dominant or sadist (gives pain), while a bottom can be a submissive or masochist (receives pain). Many prefer one side most of the time. But people can be both dominant AND submissive in different situations or with different partners - called a switch.

10. Activities can be as simple or complex as you like

Maybe being tied up excites you - or spanking, whether giving or receiving. Or perhaps you’re into leather hoods, nipple clamps, and hot wax. All this (and much more) is part of BDSM. You can be deeply into many things without ever stepping into a dungeon.

11. Research more complex activities before you start

Using a blindfold, ice cubes, or fluffy party cuffs are relatively harmless beginner activities. But before you play with more advanced tools, learn how to use them safely. Even a simple rope or whip can be dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing. Your hands can cause harm too if you’re careless. For example, fisting: some think you just make a fist and push it in. That’s a quick way to hurt someone and end up in the ER. Start with lots of lube and two or three fingers, then slowly work up to a whole hand - if and only if it’s possible. Apply the same care - or more - with all BDSM tools.

12. Seriously - BDSM requires A LOT of learning

If you’re the type who tosses instructions and wing it, BDSM might not be for you. A huge part of BDSM is maximizing ecstasy while minimizing risk. How to do the things you fantasize about without anyone getting hurt.

There’s no official reading list, but there are excellent guides if you’re willing to look. And if you’re not - don’t take up BDSM! Online you’ll find tons of good info - verify it elsewhere, ideally in published ebooks or print. Classes, conferences and local groups are also great - they’ll share the safest ways to perform techniques you’ve seen online.

13. Get info from multiple sources

A common beginner mistake is relying on one person or one source, usually the first and easiest they found. Even if they try to be accurate (not always the case), one perspective is limiting. Find books, workshops, mentors, friends and groups where you can exchange ideas and cross-check information.

14. Safewords matter - use them

It may sound cliché, but safewords are well-established in BDSM communities. Most experienced practitioners consider them one of the most important norms, even if people use them differently. Not everyone uses them at all times once very experienced, but they’re a great starting point. Agree a safeword with your partner beforehand - anything you don’t usually say during sex.

15. Monitors at public events

We don’t mean venue security - we mean people dedicated to ensuring scenes are conducted properly. They can remove someone from an event if they see unsafe play - from poor whip technique to ignoring a safeword. By now you get it: safety is central to BDSM. No wonder the SSC motto - safe, sane, consensual - is a core principle.

16. Play isn’t as spontaneous as movies and porn suggest

Getting swept into a red room by a billionaire in a heat of the moment - and having multiple orgasms - is unlikely. Fantasies make everything seem too easy. Those serious about BDSM are careful. The right place, time, and tools matter. In emergencies, you must know how to free someone quickly from restraints. You also need a certain level of trust to feel comfortable. A lot of thought - and emotion - goes into every scene.

That’s it for today’s 8 facts. With the new Fifty Shades sequel out, it’s even more important to research practices and techniques before trying them yourself. Don’t miss the final part of the series!

If you’re itching to explore, check out the official Fifty Shades of Grey collection. You can also read more on our blog.