Thinking about using a gag? Here’s everything you need to know.

It’s not surprising many people find gags unusual or even intimidating. The idea of a mouth stuffed, feelings of humiliation, sadism, and fantasies can mean something very different from what they typically associate with eroticism and sexuality.

First and foremost, gags create a clear dynamic between the dominant and the submissive in BDSM scenes. We’ve written a lot about this – if you’re curious, also read:

• BDSM for beginners
• Spice up your sex life with BDSM play
• Spanking positions that are comfortable and sexy
• 25 BDSM facts you didn’t learn in 50 Shades

A gag is a tool that blocks the submissive partner’s mouth. There’s a wide variety of shapes and sizes, so it’s worth agreeing with your partner on which you’ll use. Whether you’re in a BDSM relationship or not, a gag can add a lot of spice to your bedroom play. Even if it doesn’t seem like it at first glance, a gag can improve both the physical and emotional connection in bed.

Let’s see what gags are, why use them, and how to use them safely.

Why use a gag?

A gag creates an intimate, unmistakable hierarchy of who’s dominant and who’s submissive in a scene. It muffles sound, which forces the submissive to lean into other senses. While wearing a gag, the wearer experiences both physical and psychological arousal.

The dominant partner uses a gag to reinforce dominance. Many gags also have attachment points for additional restraints the dominant can use during a scene.

Smaller gags can be worn longer without jaw pain, yet they affect the submissive just like medium or large ones.

How does a gag affect the wearer?

One consequence is drooling. And that’s not a problem! In fact, it’s one of the elements that arouses both partners. With a gag in, it’s harder to swallow saliva, and drooling can become part of the erotic charge.

Visually, gags are highly stimulating and signal emotional vulnerability, which elevates the scene. For many couples, a gag creates a moment to let primal instincts out. Instead of feeling pressured to moan, talk, or “perform” audibly, the gag forces silence and deeper focus on sensations.

Another key element is trust. In BDSM, trust is the foundation of the bond between submissive and dominant. Imagine the dominant saying “Trust me” while placing a gag in the submissive’s mouth. It’s a sensory overload that can trigger strong reactions – and even orgasms.

Although a gag might seem like a tool for advanced players, it’s actually perfectly fine for beginners too. Like cuffs, blindfolds, and paddles, a gag is a core BDSM accessory available in many sizes, shapes, and configurations.

Use gags in moderation: silencing and breath restriction shouldn’t be constant elements of a scene. Experts recommend limiting gag wear to 15–20 minutes at a time. Jaw muscles tire quickly, so the dominant should watch the time and remove the gag as needed. Given the variety available, you’ll find one that’s both exciting and comfortable.

Which gag to choose?

For beginners, choose smaller, easily adjustable gags that go on and off quickly. An ideal first gag doesn’t require a wide-open mouth and has a strap that fits safely and comfortably around the head. It should also allow for easier breathing and some sound (you can use sounds as a safeword). A classic ball gag is a great choice – comfortable and easy to clean.

Classic ball gags create a feeling of fullness. Finding the right size can take time, especially when moving up or changing shapes. Try several and see what suits you.

Another beginner-friendly option is a bit/chewable gag, typically longer and softer, made of materials like leather, so you can bite down. Originally used for pony play, the advantage is that you don’t need to open as wide and breathing is easier.

When you’re ready, explore larger gags that fully block mouth breathing and sounds. Some gags include locking options, metal parts that go in the mouth, or connections to other BDSM gear (e.g., nipple clamps). After you tire of a simple beginner gag, move on to more advanced setups.

Alternatives

If you’re not ready for a “real” gag, tie a band, scarf, or cloth around the mouth – easy to remove and breathable.

As we’ve said in multiple BDSM guides, always have a safeword or safety signal. Since gags make speech unclear, use another signal (e.g., tapping hands). Start slow. Dominants: regularly check in nonverbally to ensure your partner is doing well.

You’ve got a gag – now what?

Once you choose a gag, agree on communication. Since you’ll limit speech, establish a safeword or signal beforehand that means immediate stop and release. If the wearer has a cold or allergies, skip the gag – a blocked nose can make breathing impossible.

The submissive holds the gag while the dominant fastens the strap behind the head. It may take a moment to seat it properly. Classic ball gags sit behind the teeth, so the wearer should bite slightly to position the ball. The dominant should check that the gag is secure and comfortable. You can leave the strap slightly loose at first, but you don’t want it falling out mid-scene.

Once it’s on, the dominant can ask a question even though the submissive can’t answer – it creates a playful mood and signals the start of the scene.

Don’t forget to track time – keep wear under 20 minutes. Monitoring your partner’s signals is crucial, especially for beginners. You may feel jaw fatigue or soreness after – as always, practice makes perfect.

After the scene, remove and clean the gag so it’s ready for next time.