About pornography: “There’s a porn for everything.”

At one American college, a lecturer was giving a lecture on pornography and said: “Whatever you can imagine, there is definitely a porn video about it. Except clown pornography, probably not”. And just a few moments later, a student in the front row was showing him a porn video with clowns. After that incident, he never joked about it again.

Pornography is everywhere and it is not hard to find. In Canada, they conducted research on pornography and found that boys start searching for pornographic content as early as age 10. When they wanted to compare the experiences of men who watch pornography with those who do not, they ran into a problem. It was practically impossible to find young men who had never watched pornography.

Women and pornography

With women, it’s a little different. Some watch pornography and admit it. Others watch it but don’t dare admit it. And a third group would watch it, but most pornography, with a few exceptions, is filmed in a way that arouses men a lot and women much less. In one study, they found that women, while watching, focused more on whether the actresses were actually enjoying the act. If it seemed to them that they were not, they could not enjoy the video.

Important

The purpose of this video is not to convince you to stop watching pornography, or never to start watching it. I know that wouldn’t make sense.

But I would like you to be aware that what you see in pornography is not even remotely similar to real, good sex. The problem is mainly that, because of a lack of sex education, most people get a wrong idea of what sex is supposed to look like from pornography.

That’s the stuff!

Pornography is filmed so that everything looks as good as possible on camera. But many positions are actually very uncomfortable. However, because it shows better that way, they film it like that. The comfort and pleasure of the actors are not important.

Foreplay, what’s that?

In porn films, they don’t pay too much attention to foreplay. Maybe there will be a little oral sex first, and then action!

And then, when you’re 16 and having sex with your girlfriend for the first time, you also penetrate her after two minutes of foreplay because you think that is normal. The girl then also thinks it is normal that the first time hurts and that she bleeds. In reality, it hurts because she was neither aroused nor relaxed.

Sex for at least 1 hour, or nothing

Sex in porn can last 30 or 60 minutes. Sometimes even longer. But how realistic is that? Male performers very often take erection pills to stay hard throughout filming. Filming takes much longer than what you see in the final product. And of course he can’t say in the middle of filming: "I can’t anymore. That’s it, thank you and goodbye." The very next day he would be out of a job. In addition, they also take short breaks during filming. Especially if they are doing particularly demanding acrobatics.

Unrealistic expectations

Men are usually very well endowed. Women have flawlessly shaved vulvas. No bumps and no ingrown hairs. And just as men in porn are expected to have large penises, women in porn are expected to have inner labia that are smaller than the outer labia. Even though for at least half of women it is exactly the opposite.

Because of pornography, this has become so popular that plastic surgeons make a fortune from surgeries that reduce the inner labia.

Don’t compare yourself to porn actors. Most of the population does not look like that. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with your body, whatever it looks like.

You get an orgasm, and you get an orgasm ...

And while we’re on the topic of unrealistic expectations. Do you know that feeling when you both climax at the same time? Well, neither do I.

But in porn, the man works on her for so long, and so well, and with such a big ... Oh, please! Porn actors are known for being pretty bad at acting, but orgasms are the one thing they know how to fake very well.

In real life, most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone at all. Around 75% of women need additional clitoral stimulation. That is also why women who have sex with women experience orgasms during sex more often.

Like clockwork

When you watch porn, everyone knows exactly what their job is and when to change positions, or they are somehow magically in a new position and you have no idea how they got there. That’s because someone behind the camera is telling the actors what they have to do.

In real life, it usually isn’t like that. Sex is often awkward, weird and funny. Sometimes strange sounds happen too – for example from the vagina. And that is called a queef. During sex, air gets trapped there, and when it comes out, it sounds like someone farted. You might also actually fart. But that is part of life, and sex doesn’t have to be taken too terribly seriously.

Kama Sutra

Pornography gives you the feeling that you have to change positions at least 10 times, otherwise you didn’t do a good job. But most couples, even though it is interesting to try something new, keep returning to the few positions they like the most. So even if you only turn over once in the middle, and you both enjoy it, then everything is great.

How do you know you’re watching too much pornography?

Have you ever wondered what is too much? Is watching pornography once a day already too much? Well, not necessarily. Unless that once a day lasts 12 hours and it’s all you do.

Experts say this: if after you stop watching pornography you feel bad, dirty, in a bad mood ... well, in that case you already know what time it is. But it can help simply to give up pornography for at least 1 month. You can still masturbate, but without pornography. And when you start watching it again, don’t watch it every day. Pay more attention to what you watch and how you feel afterward.

If you don’t have any negative feelings while watching, then you most likely have a healthy relationship with pornography. And keep it up.

Can you be addicted to pornography?

Many studies show that it can become addictive. And the problem with pornography is that what you watch can quickly become not enough, and you start looking for more and more extreme things – and you will always find them. At the same time, "normal" sex with a partner becomes unsatisfying. To become aroused and satisfied, you need increasingly extreme content that is hard to imitate in real life. And this makes you feel bad, but you don’t know what to do.

What can you do?

If you ever feel like you recognize yourself in these descriptions, know that there are solutions. It is not easy, but it is possible. You can start by giving up pornography for at least one month. Completely. If you masturbate, don’t think about the pornography you used to watch. You can also seek professional help or join a group of people (even online) who are dealing with the same problems. It is much easier to go through something like this if you are not alone. Support groups, where you see that you are not the only one struggling with this, can help you enormously.

In short

One of the biggest problems with consuming pornography is that it creates unrealistic expectations about what sex is supposed to look like. Of course, there are many other problems related to pornography, but if I addressed them all in this video, it would be too long.

It is very important, though, that you at least know what you are watching and that not everything is as it appears at first glance.